As my life continues to change before my eyes, I find myself wondering why I'm no longer interested in things I used to be.
Where did those feelings go? How did my interests change so much? I sometimes feel a certain nostalgia for them, but moreso I wonder about how the process happened where new interests, hobbies & passions slowly crept in and overtook the long-held, often unbeknownst-to-me embedded interests. Trust me, none of this was intentional.
What am I talking about? To illustrate, here are some examples of things I used to really care about - sports games & teams, new Apple devices, clean cars, new clothes, bars, TV, golf even.
What happened? They slowly got crowded out by things that I care about so much more deeply and innately today - the outdoors & rewilding, health & fitness (diet & exercise), spirituality (prayer, meditation & growth), SAR, long-distance running, compassion toward animals (largely, not killing & eating them), self-exploration, service to others, giving, learning, et al.
How did it happen? I'm still not sure & it surely didn't happen overnight. But it did happen suddenly. On the day I knocked, the door was opened to a radically different journey.
A whole new direction and bearing to my life began. I'd been a rudderless vessel lacking attachment to anything permanent,meaningful or purposeful. That day in 2013 began a radical different shift in perspective and today. How did I get there?
Through an all-encompassing desire to avoid pain and distract myself from what I know today is common to all of mankind - suffering, attachment & the living according to the ways of the world - I'd reached the end of my journey of self.
My thoughts, my patterns had built to such a crushing storm of fear that I'd literally been brought to my knees. I was broken.
At that point, my life began.