Dirtbag Camp Dreams...

You know, not too long ago dirtbag would have had a pretty negative connotation for me, but not today. 

Dirtbag camping has become one of my favorite activities. Give me a couple of days (or even just a night), throw everything in the truck and get out in it. I've just got in the truck and stayed at small streams near Mt Hood, fished at a Lake just West of Portland and try to get to Central Oregon as often as I can.

And don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't love a tent on the banks of an alpine lake, miles from anything without phone service, but it's not always feasible to make it that far away. Plus, this helps get me sleeping outside while still participating in urban activities. Load up, loud out is a snap. I get into the wilderness & get out of the wilderness just like that.

Last week I ran the Peterson Ridge Rumble 20-miler (yes, I'm a runner) and loaded everything up, hit the road and camped just about 4 miles down the road from the race start location. I later found out that I could have camped at the event itself in the parking lot, which I'd have probably done, but i would have missed these views.

One of my goals for 2016 has been to sleep outside more nights...it's April and I'm on my way.

#sleepoutsidenight1

Wait, Me a Runner? What?

I mean I do run. I run to exercise. I sometimes get together with friends and we go to a place and we get a shirt and we run around a course and have a good time together. But I'd never really considered myself a runner. 

Then, one day, a friend asked me, "you're a runner?" and I'd never really thought about it like that. I haven't always been like this. I hadn't gone jogging, let along running for about 25 years up until a couple of years ago. 

Today, I run 5ks, 10ks, 1/2 marathons, trail races, obstacle courses, and most recently the other day a 20-mile trail race. I run at lunch, run in the dark, run in the rain. I run around my neighborhood, run at the beach, run on vacation and run when I'm out of town for work. 

I buy running vests, have fancy blinking running lights, wear reflective stuff. I have compression socks, too many GPS's and fitness trackers and other random stuff to charge and I'm conflicted on how I feel about all that stuff.

I read books about running and eating and nutrition and recovery and form and pacing and the physical aspects as well as the mental aspects. I watch movies on Netflix & YouTube about running and endurance races and one particularly ridiculously difficult marathon, The Barkley Marathons.

So, how'd that all happen. I'd been recovering and undergoing physical therapy for a crazy freak injury and broken back and things were changing in my life. This was just a couple of years ago, and when I started out I couldn't run to the end of the block without having to stop to catch my breath. I ran for a few months occasionally, started with a 5k and I did actually run the whole thing -I did get passed near the end by a lady pushing a baby stroller, and while that moment definitely gave me some humility also gave me more motivation. Today, I'm good for some serious mileage.  I'm not fast, but I can trudge 'em out.

Finishing the 2016 Peterson Ridge Rumble 20-miler

So yes, Jim, I am a runner.

What's up next?

• San Diego Rock & Roll Half Marathon - June 5th
• Cascade Lakes Relay - July 29-30th
• Oregon Coast 50K - October 8th

Increments & Explosions

So first off, I'll admit that I stole the title of this post from a Rob Bell podcast, which you can find here. I encourage you to take a listen.

Essentially, Bell discusses how our lives are defined both by the major moments, the spikes in the timeline, and by the daily habits and routines, the intentions and the actions of our days.

Explosions, the moments of transformation and redirection, often take form in the chaos, the hugely impactful moments, relationships, loss, crisis, new jobs and jobs left, births, major decisions, momentary lapses, the moves, and on and on as applicable to your life.

The increments - the focused, deliberate, habits, routines and rituals - are just as varied and diverse and easily recognizable when you look for them: diet, exercise, focus, personal indulgences, great sacrifice, bitterness, jealousy, envy, ego, pridefulness, lust and on and on ad infinitum.

The explosions are the easily identifiable peaks and valleys in our life's. The major plot twists and turns that appear to drive and direct it all. They're the days of massive exhilaration, joy, decision and the moments of crushing blows, death, injustice.

I find the increments are easiest identified in hindsight and in somedays and intentions. I can look back and say "how did I gain 15 pounds?" and by looking at my habits and routines (I ate like crap, I didn't exercise, etc.) and that's how. But In the moment, daily, I don't necessarily relate my choices to their consequences. I just think I'm eating pasta at ten o'clock because I want to and I'm hungry. I have a tendency to be focused on an immediacy that doesn't have impact and simultaneously a future and a goal or outcome that's overwhelming and unattainable. 

Today, I've flipped around a lot of what I thought I knew upside down. Today I look in hindsight and see that the major moments that are seemingly out of my control while I'm subjected to their currents are as easily offset by the intentional habits, practices and actions.

Today, I build small successes into meaningful momentum. I offset the big explosions with an awareness of the collective totatlity of daily progress and growth.

Now, I simply try to take care of the moment and action while letting outcomes and results and destinations take care of themselves. 

I've never been so blessed.

Distracted

I've been thinking and reading a lot about distractions lately. Did you know that when you get distracted or interrupted studies have shown that it takes an average of 23 minutes to get back on track? I didn't, but I'm becoming more aware day-by-day of how both internal and external distractions affect me.

What distracts me? Email, notifications, daydreams, phone calls, interruptions, fears, procrastination, social media, shiny things, lots of shiny things. And squirrels.

I've made some progress in certain areas. For example, I turned off all notifications on my phone and removed Facebook. It helps and allows me to interact with my phone more intentionally. I've started wearing headphones at work during certain times and projects along with the Pomodoro Technique (what's a Pomodoro timer) which has been helpful (when I use them).

I've started turning off email for chunks of time to better focus on the actual work at hand. Jessica Rovello says "Email gives people a form of business attention-deficit disorder," in this article on workforce.com. I lacked the ability to see an email that required an immediate action or response and just ignore it. I was focused on the immediate and urgent instead of the important.

I was losing control of my focus and priorities while everything jostled around near the top of my mental to-do list. I found myself constantly distracted with an inability to focus on the task at hand. Many times a day, I'd say to myself "OK, so now where was I?" 

I've become aware, made some changes and feel I've taken steps to increase my focus & productivity. It's all a journey and all I have is my experience.

Additional readings

The Science Behind Task Interruption and Time Management, Yast Blog

A Focus On Distraction: Brain - Interrupted, NY Times

How Long Does it Take To Get Back On Track After A Distraction, Lifehacker

How To Overcome Workplace Distraction, Forbes

Surrounded By Digital Distractions, We Can't Even Stop To Think, NPR

What will be different in 2016?

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I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want out of life. Most days, I'm pretty good at not outlining, focusing on the moment, being in the present. However, this time of year and the past few days in particular, I've had a little bit of time for reflection and also planning.

Here are some questions I'm asking. What are you asking yourself?

16 Questions for 2016

1. What do I want January 1st, 2017 to look like and where do I want to be?
2. In the end, what do I want it all to be for?
3. If I were to die tomorrow, would I be happy with what I did today every single day?
4. How will I create more space in my life?
5. What would propel me out of bed every morning?
6. Will I continue to let fear, procrastination and indecision dominate?
7. How will I engage more with and create a tribe of like-minded folks focused on positivity, creativity & changing their lives?
8. Do I fully believe in myself?
9. Am I willing to question everything that I think I know about the way things have to be?
10. How will I create a better version of myself on a daily basis?
11. How will I inspire, encourage and support others in my life? How will I be the change?
12. What more am I willing to let go of?
13. Can I downsize, downshift, minimalize and live more fully with less material possessions?
14. Can I set aside the motivations I used to let drive me, my goals and my life.
15. How will I stay motivated?
16. Can I stay true to myself, continue relentlessly and remember where I want to be?

Why I'm Setting Intentions Instead of Resolutions This Year

New Year's Resolutions have never worked for me. I've given them some valiant efforts over the year. Not the actual implementation and execution of resolutions that's received the effort, but the resolutions themselves. I've spent lots of time thinking, planning and outlining what I'd like to change in my life. When it came time to actually change, however, it seems I wasn't ever able to muster the power to actually follow through on them.

I think this year's going to be different. Here's why:

1. I'm setting intentions instead of resolutions. Resolutions always felt to me that failure to achieve perfection gave me an excuse and a reason to justify giving up. Intentions are going to be guidelines that direct my choices. I'm going to try to exercise on a more regular frequency, develop more routine to my life, make better choices around food, be more selective in commitments that I undertake and on and on and on. I'm setting up a framework for how I'd like to my days to look, matching my action to those intentions and focusing on growth and progress instead of perfection.

2. I'm taking it one day at a time. I've always had big dreams, goals and ambitions. However, when these didn't materialize quickly I'd abandon my them pretty quickly when I felt I wasn't achieving the desired results. I've worked hard over the past few years to change my thinking that and now see that the actual best part is the journey not in the destination or results themselves. The joy comes from what I learn, how I improve, the choices I make and how I pick myself back up after failure and adversity. Where I get to and what the totality of those actions add up to may turn out to be a nice benefit in the end, but the true joy is in the journey.

3. I'm doing these things to become a better me.  The intentions i'm setting and changes I'm making in my life are for me. They're not to impress others or please others. The changes I'm looking to make have been a long time in the coming, are reflective of how I want to live and the choices I want to make. My focus will be on choices, one at a time, in a variety of areas I want to make improvements in my life.

So, what are my intentions?

1. Eat better. This includes a lot of things. In the past, it would have meant adhering to a hard strict diet or fad eating program. Today, it just means better choices. More real foods - vegetables, fruits, legumes, lentils, etc. while reducing processed foods, sugars, binging, forced food choices out of failure to plan and prepare, etc.

2. Exercise more. I go to the gym and run fairly regularly. I'd probably fall in the 3-5 days per week category. But my intention for this year is to be even more regular, more scheduled. I'm aiming to develop a better routine and practices while maximizing the efficiency of time spent in exercise. I will often use running as meditation and working out as relaxing. It's often rushed, which I don't like. I'm looking forward to a regular routine that allows for the space in my calendar to do so.

3. Encourage others. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen," Ephesians 4:29. This applies to a variety of areas of my life from what I talk about to what my motives are to what I implicitly endorse through not speaking up when people talk about others.. I've made great strides, but still have a long way to go in this area.

4. Less digital distractions. Technology is taking over the world and has admittedly taken over my life. I'm making improvements, but still intend to make some pretty dramatic changes this upcoming year. Email, social media, charging anxiety, screen time all slowly crept into every crevice of my life. I'm setting boundaries and changing expectations, twitches and habits. I ran across this site that's pretty cool: www.consciously-digital.com. My work is pretty dependent upon technology and social media, but that doesn't mean that I can't improve in many ways. I've used nature and no-service areas as a sort of forced unplug, but I'm setting intentions on improving this area on many fronts...stay tuned, more shall be revealed.

So that's what I'm planning to do. What are your resolutions or intentions for 2016? Drop me a note or comment below.

Reflections on time

I've been thinking a lot about time lately. I've been thinking about how i spend my time, About how time changes, priorities change and what's important changes. I've been reflecting upon how everyone seems to be talking about how little time they have today. "Busy" has become a consistent answer to intro questions like how are you? how's work? and how have you been?

Ideas and terms like "time-poverty" and "the glorification of busy" and "busy as a badge of honor" are becoming more and more prevalent in what I read and the conversations I have.

I've better really realized lately just how little time we have as we all tick toward the same expiration. Recently one of my very best, oldest friends passed away at the age of 36. Lots of people are suffering, sick & dying. American-ism is rushing us along to health or stress induced deaths at an alarming pace. The time we have may - on average - be getting longer, but is it getting any better?

It's likely just that I'm getting older and paying more attention. I'm aware more everyday of how I spend my moments and what I want out of life.  I tend to re-read Bonnie Ware's 5 Regrets of the Dying not in any sort of morbid way, but as a spark toward thinking about and fostering honest self-appraisal.

As Ware notes, simple living, minimalism, essentialism may hold many the keys to unlocking a regret-free life.

“By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.”

— Regrets of the Dying, Bonnie Ware

What's changed? There's no less time than we've ever had. We work the same (more or less) hours than we have in the past. However, the pervasiveness of technology has filled every nook and cranny of our time. Got a second? check social media. Standing in line? check email. Our phones vibrate, chime and ring with notifications incessantly. Going to bed? better check email or social media to make sure that i'm not missing anything. It's become an impulsive response to any down time in thought or activity.

Boundaries that used to be defined by the act of going to a computer to check email or social media have been removed by placing those actions within arms length at any moment. I'm working on my boundaries and look forward to the day I don't have all that crap on my phone.

Options expand? Schedules get fuller I believe due to the increase in options we have to spend our time on. I grew up in a newspaper home. I went to journalism school and worked in newspapers for about a decade. That used to be how you'd determine your activities. You'd see a thing you want to do and clip it and put it on the fridge. You'd be invited by a friend or colleague to something and you'd put it in the calendar. Now, you're able to see everything going on with a few clicks of the mouse. Sometimes I go to a website and see something I want to do. A friend will invite me on social media. Often, I'll receive emails from meetup or directly from organizations that I want to participate in and support with opportunities to serve or attend. But when I check the calendar and see that I'm already committed to something else, I'm left with an uneasy feeling and resulting questions of am I doing and spending my time the way I really want to. This often leads to tough choices. I'm clearing space and if it's not a heck yeah, it's not going in the calendar anymore.

So what do I do? Like so many areas of my life, it begins with an awareness. At first I'm not even aware of what's going on. Everybody is else is just as busy and over-committed. As my options expand, I'm the one that has to make the changes, choices and decisions. It's pretty neat to watch what happens. Both in the space around me and in the thoughts internal. I've started changing patterns and creating space for thought, reflection.

I wake slowly and intentionally choose how I move through my days. I make sure that I create space for Hal Elrod's P.I.E.S (Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Spiritual) care work into my daily routine. I've also started to clearly define and outline what I want my life and days and hours to look like. It's an uncomfortable, painful process because it leads me to change or accept and often times neither of those are what I want to do.

I leave my phone off. I leave it away from where I physically am. I resist the urge to see what i've missed, who's texted called or mentioned me in a post. I turn off notifications

Questions I'm asking: What do i want my days to look like? What do i want spend more time doing? What do I want more and less of in my life? How can i create the lifestyle i want to live? How can my skills and experiences best be utilized to help and serve others? I can I have the most impact? How do I do more by doing less?

Where do i go? I love it outside and try to get out into nature as much as possible. Its forced digital detox does me good. I like to get where it's quiet. I go backpacking, hiking, fishing and just sit as much as possible.  I book airline tickets to go visit friends. I plan time spent with family members I don't see as often as I'd like.

Here's a short clip of how I spent my time yesterday. It was wonder-filled.

In honor of #OptOutside I headed outside to Mirror Lake and hiked up in the dark to catch a sunrise. I didn't want to be the only one who saw it. Enjoy

I find it's easier to hear that quiet inner voice that gives me direction when I'm still, quiet and calm and in today's world that's not easy.

Slowly, in peace,
AB

Analysis Paralysis, Procrastination & Fear

These are the common themes I struggle with. And today I'm ok talking about them, writing about them and sharing my experience with others. And as I attempt to grow in my understanding of them, I find I'm not unique in nearly as many ways as I thought.

“Analysis paralysis or paralysis by analysis is an anti-pattern, the state of over-analyzing (or over-thinking) a situation so that a decision or action is never taken, in effect paralyzing the outcome.”

— Wikipedia, October 2015

Maybe you've felt this way, maybe you haven't. I'm getting better with it and more comfortable with a process of action that moves through it. And behind it for me, i've found, is often fear. Fear of making the wrong decision, fear of failure, fear of what others will think. However, i've come to realize that the fears are not real (like danger is real) and that when i work through whatever it is or however it up in my life, i'm often amazed by how quickly it simply fades away.

What decision, project, goal or other aspect of your life is effected by Analysis Paralysis?

“The essence of procrastination lies in not doing what you think you should be doing, a mental contortion that surely accounts for the great psychic toll the habit takes on people. This is the perplexing thing about procrastination: although it seems to involve avoiding unpleasant tasks, indulging in it generally doesn’t make people happy.”

— James Suroweicki

Here's another one that's on of my biggest growth areas. I procrastinate. On the stupidest stuff. I avoid stuff i don't want to do. I avoid what i'm not proficient or excel at. I avoid, put off, delay wherever I can.

There's a whole lot of fear behind my procrastination. Let's say, i have a presentation at work or something. Well, I'm a perfectionist. And if delay on the project, I can delay the fear and uncertainty that come with what's working in me behind being a perfectionist.

I used to position it that I was really good with deadlines, now i realize that i'm really good at being lazy and being driven by motivating factors that i'm only slowly becoming aware of. And as Suroweicki's quote above says, the perplexing thing about it is that it doesn't work as to make me happy. It only delays what I have to do anyway. It puts additional, unnecessary pressure on me. It builds and mounts until i can't put it off any longer. That's not really a good thing for peace in my life. This week I'm going to make a concerted effort for a little less procrastination in my life.

There was a time not too long ago where i had a whole lot of this going on under the surface, but was unaware of it. Today, I learn about it. I write about it. I talk about it. I meditate on it. I grow in my understanding.

However, that can be a catch 22. In a world of busy-ness driven by a consumer culture that constantly tells us that we'll only be ok and good enough if we have this or get the newest that, these are not comfortable topic for the world at large. Let's talk about the weather, the sports team, the tv show, politics, the news - anything but what's really going on in our lives. The good ole American way I guess.

I guess i'll continue to read about it, listen to others talk about it and write about it, while seeking direction to do more about it.

Peace & love,

Days 8 - I don't even know...

“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
”

— Henry David Thoreau

Let's just get this out of the way to start, on the 8th day I didn't write. I packed. Then i woke up early, met a guy to talk for a bit and then hit the road. I haven't written for this since then. That was more than a week ago. That feels better already

Last year, my brother and i hiked a 24-ish mile loop around Three Fingered Jack in the Mt. Jefferson Wilderness. We took a clockwise loop, this year we took it counter-clockwise. Last year it rained, this year it rained.

I did some things differently this year.

I only took one book with me this year, the smallest, lightest one i have - Ralph Waldo Emerson's Nature. And while we didn't have too much down time to read, I did for a bit.

I had a significantly better skill set & safety skill set knowledge to carry with me. The lightest survival gear you can carry is knowledge, an instructor said lately. I wasn't too concerned with 'what if's' this trip. I was comfortable with the route, wasn't too concerned about food, water, animals. About the only concern I had was for injury & falling trees, of which we heard a couple during one of the nights that included heavy rains and winds. Add that to a recovering forest from the 2003 B&B complex and not too surprising, but nonetheless not so comforting when you're laying in a tent.

Last year I ate meat, this year I didn't...but that's another story for another day. We'll get into that one of these days. I love this guy, and I'm so blessed for every second we get to spend together.

Since I got home, the schedule's been too full (a trend I'm becoming ever-too-aware-of these days) and I've not made the time to write. I should have. I've felt shame about it. I've wanted to do it, but by the time I get home and with how early I get up I don't always feel like staring into a screen. 

I'm working on it, to get the schedule open. To write more frequently. I usually get up early - anywhere between 4 and 5 am. But I've come to realize that I need more regularity and routine to build a foundation for the day upon.

I've just ordered Hal Elrod's Miracle Morning: The Not-So-Obvious Guaranteed to Transform Your Life (before 8AM) and look forward to giving the process a shot. A committed shot. for 30 days, at least. And hopefully it goes better than this 31-day writing thing. Fail.

But that's OK, because as I failed I learned. And as I learned, I began to accept imperfectiveness. And as I learn, I grow and that's really the whole point of all of this. 

Peace. Love.

Day 7 ... gratitude, friends & family and a perspective shift

While everything in my life has been going pretty well, I knew there where a few things that needed to change. I just didn't know how exactly what and how to get into action over them. The past week has been a really good week. I know, it's Wednesday, but since I worked all weekend, it feels like it's been a week and a half this week. I needed a reset, i need to get through some unrest - I just needed to do a few things.

1: "Choose my attitude"

I started reading Jon Acuff's Do Over and am looking forward to a drive up to Tacoma in the morning to listen to it (through Audible on Kindle) while i drive up & back. I'm not too far into it, but something Acuff wrote struck a chord with me - it's not about changing my attitude, it's about choosing my attitude. I can choose to be many things - a more empathetic co-worker, a more concerned customer service agent, a more helpful listener. When I serve, i thrive. Simply put, i can apply this principle in every component of my life.

“It’s on us! Good job, dream job, bad job, no job - this remains true!”

— Jon Acuff in Do Over

3: "Appreciate my friends & family more"

It had been a while since i'd been with my people, since i'd seen some friends i need to see more often. I was so excited for that today. I had a friend stop by and I helped him get some movie tickets. My brother and another friend came over for dinner of Eggplant Punjab over brown rice that turned out to be a pretty decent for the first time making it. (I'm gonna make a pretty good housewife someday ha!). And then i got to spend some time hanging out with some dudes, talking about God, which is pretty much one of my favorite activities these days. I needed that. I needed the spiritual rejuvenation. I needed to connect. I needed that perspective.

3: "Practice gratituding"

I didn't think much of that word the first time i wrote it, but a friend commented how much he liked it and it's stuck since. It's a practice. It's an intention. Plain & simple, when i appreciate what i have and just how blessed I am, my days & interactions and usefulness to others is amplified significantly. I need to do this more. I spent some time in reflection this morning on my life, my job, my family, my health, my priorities, my purpose and my meaning and it became so blatantly obvious how good i have it.

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”

— Henry David Thoreau

Another day along the journey, I didn't think that it'd go this direction. We'll see what tomorrow brings us. Day 7. check!